Several years ago I started wearing a little button that read NO POLITICS, NO RELIGION. I consider myself a spiritual person but have no use for organized religion. And, in my experience, there was no such thing as a “religious discussion.” This is just an opportunity for the Believer to persuade you to become a Believer, too. I know you mean well, but no thanks.

Political “discussions” are equally bogus. A pointless exercise in which one person tries to convince the other person they are “wrong.” Ever heard of that happening? Neither have I.

As Trumpism has infected our country, I’ve struggled with how to feel about acquaintances who worship the man. Should I “unfriend” them? Pretend I don’t find their positions offensive? Feels intellectually dishonest. This morning I think I’ve found a way I can live with.

My late father spent the last few years of his life in a nursing home, suffering from Alzheimer’s Disease. As the disease progressed he became belligerent and — on a couple of occasions — violent. Punched his roommate who had to be moved to a different room.

Anyone who’s been through this experience knows you don’t have a discussion with your loved one. Like Elvis, your loved one has left the building.

The next time someone I know starts with the crazy Trump shit I’ll remind myself they can’t help it. You don’t “get over” Alzheimer’s Disease and you don’t get over Trumpism.

I salute President Biden’s pledge to be a president for all Americans, whether they voted for him or not. But it will be palliative care. We’ll never be “one nation” if, in fact, we ever were. But an effective, caring government can take care of everyone.

This is why you don’t have to be afraid of the Proud Boys. Not nearly as bad as the Boy Scouts’ initiation.

This CNN piece provides some insight into the Proud Boys:

“They’re men who’ve never had wingmen before,” he says. “They’re afraid to say what’s on their mind for fear of getting into a fight. But if they have that guy or that group behind them, they’re more bold in saying what they think, because they think someone has their back. … The Proud Boys are the vehicle that attracts those people and accepts them in.”

Any history of the American Civil War is likely to include the phrase “brother against brother.” Donald Trump has divided our country… and our families. Richard Eldredge asks, “Was it worth it?”

Family birthday greetings, anniversary celebrations and graduation photos eventually disappeared from my timeline as other family members used social media to take sides. When I typed the names of relatives I’ve known and loved all my life into the Facebook search box, profiles popped up, along with the phrase “Add Friend.” Or in extreme cases, you vanished completely after blocking me.

The invitations to your holiday gatherings stopped coming. Your daughter got married and I wasn’t invited. We haven’t spoken since 2017.
Over our love-filled 50-year bond, you chose a hate-filled New York millionaire who has never spent a moment with you, cried with one of you when your dad died, hugged another of you at your mom’s funeral or otherwise cared about you.

To be clear, this was never about a difference of political opinion. We’ve gotten through that before. This was about a fundamental difference in morality, integrity and decency and a person who exemplifies none of those things.

We had allowed a complete stranger to vaporize our family. A bond that spans The Beatles and swing sets, Frisbee tournaments in the street, sitting front row together at “E.T.,” late-night cruises in your car while blasting Bruce Springsteen’s “Born to Run” album and me nervously pinning on your boutonniere on the day of your wedding.

The question remains: “Was it worth it?”

I don’t know. You’re the only ones who can answer that. I also don’t know what the future holds for us or even if we have one. You were the person who closed the door on our relationship — and you hold the key to reopening it.