Tag Archives: Scott Adams

Why the asterisk is “The Most Obscene Letter”

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“Naked naughty words can destroy your brain and also society as a whole. However – and one would think this is obvious – It’s completely safe to THINK naughty words. And it’s safe to cause other people to think naughty words. But if you spell those naughty words without the asterisk loin cloth to protect your victims, you’re a danger to society. I know this to be true because I heard it from lots of people who have sh*t-for-brains.”

— Scott Adams explains why the asterisk is “The Most Obscene Letter”

When I write “WTF”… the little voice in your head says “What the fuck?” If I type “*ss hole,” you hear “ass hole.” But they’re just words. They can’t really hurt you. If you don’t believe me, read Adam’s post.

Scott Adams: Electronic Voting Machines

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“…there’s a 100% chance that the voting machines will get hacked and all future elections will be rigged. But that doesn’t mean we’ll get a worse government. It probably means that the choice of the next American president will be taken out of the hands of deep-pocket, autofellating, corporate shitbags and put it into the hands of some teenager in Finland. How is that not an improvement?”

“Statistically speaking, any hacker who is skilled enough to rig the elections will also be smart enough to select politicians that believe in… oh, let’s say for example, science. Compare that to the current method where big money interests buy political ads that confuse snake-dancing simpletons until they vote for the guy who scares them the least.”

Scott Adams: Knowing when to quit

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“You usually have to try a bunch of things before luck has an opportunity to find you. So how do you know when to bail out of a losing idea? … I heard a useful rule about predicting success during my (failed) attempt at creating a hit Dilbert animated TV show: If everyone exposed to a product likes it, the product will not succeed. The reason that a product “everyone likes” will fail is because no one “loves” it. The only thing that predicts success is passion, even if only 10% of the consumers have it. … Great ideas catch on immediately, and passionately, at least with the early adopters.”

— Scott Adams

The Religion War

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“The Internet (is) God’s central nervous system, connecting all the thinking humans, so that one good thought anywhere could be available everywhere. The head would know what the feet were feeling. It would be an upper consciousness, above what the human beings that composed it would understand.” (Pg.151)

“God is everything, all the matter and empty space that now exists, or ever will exist. He expresses his preference in the invisible workings of gravity, probability, and ideas. God is that which is unstoppable, permanent, all-powerful, and by its own standards perfect. God was in no hurry. He was reforming. He didn’t think in the way that humans do, as that is unnecessary for an entity whose preferences are identical to reality. Humans think in order to survive and entertain themselves. God has no need for a tool that is useful only to the frail and unsatisfied.” (Pg. 177)

“You’re a collection of molecules and those molecules are made of smaller bits, and those bits are made of even smaller bits. The smallest bits in the universe are all identical. You are made of the same stuff as the concrete in the floor and the fly on the window. Your basic matter cannot be created or destroyed. All that will survive of what you call you life is the sum of your actions. Some might call the unending ripple effect of those actions a soul, or a spirit.”

“Consciousness is a feedback loop. It has four parts: You imagine the impact of your actions, then you act, then you observe the actual result of your action, then you store that knowledge in your brain and begin again to imagine the next thing.” (pg 31)

Excerpts from The Religion War, by Scott Adams

Weinerschnitzel adjustment

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“Now sometimes a pair of briefs – for reasons I cannot understand – have the most annoying characteristic you could ever imagine: In the course of normal walking and sitting, the wearer’s weinershnitzel ends up poking halfway through the flap hole like a turtle coming out of its shell. And before long, the most sensitive part of your body is wedged between your briefs and the harsh denim material of your pants. As I walked toward the departure gate, I was choking Private Johnson and giving him a noogie at the same time.”

— Scott Adams

Phone Whores

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In case you are not familiar with a term that I just made up, a phone whore is a woman who goes to the airport with no magazines, laptops, books, puzzles or other means to entertain her. All she has is a phone, and she’s going to use it, no matter how many people are annoyed.

The phone whore is motivated by the desire to talk with people. The phone asshole (male variety) is motivated by the need to have everyone on the flight know he’s negotiating important business deals and that he has staff members that must receive his wisdom.

— Scott Adams

 

Scott Adams: Flag burning

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“It seems to me that the great thing about the flag is that it symbolizes something inherently indestructible: the concept of freedom. You can burn the flag as many times as you want and the concept of freedom is not only still there – it’s stronger. I like that about my flag. I would go so far as to say it’s my flag’s best feature.”

Scott Adams: Ask my opinion

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Scott Adams recently invited readers to “ask for my opinion on any topic and I will give it to you in the clearest possible terms (as many as I can get to).” They did and he did. And I found myself agreeing with about 98% of his answers.  A few of my favorites:

Q. Who, out of any person, would do the best job of dictator with total control of the world, and please give a real response.
A. Bill Gates. He’s rational, experienced, and has a good track record of helping the disadvantaged through his charitable trusts.

Q. Can you give an easy solution for all the Middle East problems, including but not limited to ethnic issues, religious issues, corruption issues, oil issues, nuclear issues, and last but not least, the poor history of this region in the soccer world cup?
A. There is no solution. But I often wonder what would happen if we surrendered, apologized for interfering in the region, and withdrew all financial and military support for everyone including Israel. I think Israel would survive just fine, countries would still sell us plenty of oil, and our enemies would get busy killing each other. We learned from the Cold War that enemies really do need a reason to want to kill you. It’s not for entertainment.

Q. Most futuristic thing you wish would be invented now?
A. Orgasm ray gun.