Tag Archives: religion

Pope fatigue

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A reporter friend (not from Iowa) wrote this satirical piece on the endless coverage of the Pope’s death and funeral:

(Decorah) Many Iowans gathered around their TV sets to watch the funeral of Pope John Paul the Second this morning. John Smith of Decorah says he had never met the Pope, but he felt a closer bond to him after reading about him in the newspaper over the past week. Smith says he will miss the Pontiff’s appearances on network newscasts every Good Friday and Easter Sunday, even though he could not understand the Latin spoken by the Pope, and Peter Jennings usually spoke over the audio anyway. Smith believes the Pope will be missed by many Iowans in his bowling league, who thought John Paul seemed to be a nice man, even though he probably was not a bowler himself. He says the early TV coverage of the Pope’s funeral provided a special moment while he was trying to get ready to work the early shift at a local poultry plant, where he says many of his Hispanic coworkers are Catholic, too.

William Gibson on Creationism

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“Re Creationism, I must point out an unfortunate subtext that’s no longer quite so obvious. Having grown up in the previous iteration of the rural American south, I know that what *really* smarted about Darwin, down there, was the logical implication that blacks and whites are descended from a common ancestor. Butt-ugly, but there it is. That was the first objection to evolutionary theory that I ever heard, and it was a very common one, in fact the most common. That it was counter to Genesis seemed merely convenient, in the face of an anthropoid grand-uncle in the woodpile.”

Andy Rooney on the Passion Of The Christ

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It doesn’t seem right, but religion has been in the news a lot recently.

Pat Robertson says that God has spoken to him and told him that George W. Bush will be re-elected because he deserves to be.

Here’s Pat Robertson’s exact quote: “I think George Bush is going to win in a walk. I’m hearing from the Lord that it’s going to be a blowout.”

The movie by Mel Gibson called The Passion of the Christ is the other religious issue in the news. Everyone’s talking about that. The question is whether the Jews killed Jesus Christ – who was Jewish, of course.

I hadn’t wanted to say anything about this, because it seemed like a personal matter, but Pat Robertson isn’t the only one who has heard from God.

I heard from God just the other night. God always seems to call at night. “Andrew,” God said to me. He always calls me “Andrew.” I like that.

“Andrew, you have the eyes and ears of a lot of people. I wish you’d tell your viewers that both Pat Robertson and Mel Gibson strike me as wackos. I believe that’s one of your current words. They’re crazy as bedbugs, another earthly expression. I created bedbugs. I’ll tell you, they’re no crazier than people, said God.

“Let me just say that I think I’d remember if I’d ever talked to Pat Robertson, and I’d remember if I said Bush would get re-elected in a blowout.”

As far as Mel Gibson goes, I haven’t seen his movie, ‘The Passion of the Christ,’ because it hasn’t opened up here yet. But I did catch Gibson being interviewed by Diane Sawyer. I did something right when I came up with her, didn’t I, added God. Anyway, as I was saying, Mel is a real nut case. What in the world was I thinking when I created him? Listen, we all make mistakes.”

That is what God said to me. That’s about all he did say to me because I’m sure God has a lot more important things to do than talk to someone on television.

My own question to Pat Robertson is this: The election looks as though it could be close, certainly not a blowout. If George W. Bush loses the election to a Democrat, will you become an atheist?

My question to Mel Gibson is: “How many million dollars does it look as if you’re going to make off the crucifixion of Christ?”