Milton from Office Space

“And I said, I don’t care if they lay me off either, because I told, I told Bill that if they move my desk one more time, then, then I’m, I’m quitting, I’m going to quit. And, and I told Don too, because they’ve moved my desk four times already this year, and I used to be over by the window, and I could see the squirrels, and they were merry, but then, they switched from the Swingline to the Boston stapler, but I kept my Swingline stapler because it didn’t bind up as much, and I kept the staples for the Swingline stapler and it’s not okay because if they take my stapler then I’ll set the building on fire.”

— Milton from Office Space.

David Weinberger on Kill Bill

“Tarantino’s love of movies is infectious. But what he loves about them isn’t their literary capabilities, the way they can show us people and events changing each other, and the rest of that important yada. No, QT loves their syntax, their rhetoric. And that’s what Kill Bill is great at: a samurai sword being re-holstered, a nod that launches an attack. It’s like a “That’s Entertainment” that shows not the greatest tap dance sequences in the history of movies but the greatest gestures.”

Why shouldn’t I work for the N.S.A.?

“Why shouldn’t I work for the N.S.A.? That’s a tough one, but I’ll take a shot. Say I’m working at the N.S.A. Somebody puts a code on my desk, something nobody else can break. Maybe I take a shot at it and maybe I break it. And I’m real happy with myself, ’cause I did my job well. But maybe that code was the location of some rebel army in North Africa or the Middle East. Once they have that location, they bomb the village where the rebels were hiding and fifteen hundred people that I never met and that I never had no problem with get killed. Now the politicians are sayin’, “Send in the marines to secure the area” ’cause they don’t give a shit. It won’t be their kid over there, gettin’ shot. Just like it wasn’t them when their number was called, ’cause they were pullin’ a tour in the National Guard. It’ll be some kid from Southie takin’ shrapnel in the ass. And he comes home to find that the plant he used to work at got exported to the country he just got back from. And the guy who put the shrapnel in his ass got his old job, ’cause he’ll work for fifteen cents a day and no bathroom breaks. Meanwhile he realizes the only reason he was over there in the first place was so we could install a government that would sell us oil at a good price. And of course the oil companies used the skirmish over there to scare up domestic oil prices. A cute little ancillary benefit for them but it ain’t helping my buddy at two-fifty a gallon. They’re takin’ their sweet time bringin’ the oil back, and maybe even took the liberty of hiring an alcoholic skipper who likes to drink martinis and fuckin’ play slalom with the icebergs, and it ain’t too long ’til he hits one, spills the oil and kills all the sea life in the North Atlantic. So now my buddy’s out of work and he can’t afford to drive, so he’s walking to the fuckin’ job interviews, which sucks ’cause the schrapnel in his ass is givin’ him chronic hemorroids. And meanwhile he’s starvin’ ’cause every time he tries to get a bite to eat the only blue plate special they’re servin’ is North Atlantic scrod with Quaker State. So what did I think? I’m holdin’ out for somethin’ better. I figure, fuck it, while I’m at it, why not just shoot my buddy, take his job and give it to his sworn enemy, hike up gas prices, bomb a village, club a baby seal, hit the hash pipe and join the National Guard? I could be elected president.”

From Good Will Hunting, written by Matt Damon & Ben Affleck

Let’s leave it in

It’s probably been 30 years since I watched the original Frankenstein (1931). When a movie has been so often parodied, it’s easy to forget how good the original really was. I watched it tonight on TCM. If I could know only one thing about the making of that movie, it would be the story behind the scene (hell, it wasn’t a scene…it was just a moment), early in the film, when Fritz (played by Dwight Frye) went to see who was pounding on the castle door just before the creation of the monster. As he turned to go backup the stairs, he stops…to pull up his sock. It was…perfect.

Freaking. Fricking. But no fucking.

The censors (does anyone think of themselves as a “censor”?) at FX went through Good Will Hunting, carefully replacing each “fucking” with “freaking” or “fricking” (what the fuck is fricking?). That just seems so…dishonest to me. I don’t care what anybody says, it’s not the same same movie when you start cutting scenes and replacing words. Fuck it.

Damned cold movies: Fargo

Ms. Funk reminds us that Fargo was a very cold movie. While we’re talking about movies…and Joel and Ethan Coen movies…we watched Blood Simple a couple of nights ago. Perhaps we just like the Coen brothers or maybe we were still pissed about paying $25 to watch Gangs of New York which was, my friends, three hours of dog crap. But Blood Simple is ten times the movie GONY is.