I have difficulty eating unless I am reading something. It can be anything. The back of a cereal box I’ve read 100 times before, a phone bill, anything.

I used to buy USA Today each morning but stopped a couple of years ago. Since then I have book with me or stories from the web, printed out the night before. When eating breakfast at home, I sometime just flip open the Mac. Not practical at the Town Grill.

But the iPhone… with Google’s News Reader app? Hard to resist. Flip the phone to landscape orientation and the stories are easy to read and flip through.

Only marginally related…

I’ve been making more phone calls since getting the iPhone. Old friends I haven’t spoken to in years. I’ve been thinking about why I didn’t call them on the tracfone (which expires today, I believe). The reason, I’ve concluded, is that it was too hard to enter all those phone numbers. I just never got around to it. Since the iPhone syncs with damned near evertything on the MacBook… there’s very little data entry on the phone. And you know what, I love associating a photo with each contact. Yeah, this is old stuff to long-time mobile users, but still new and fun for me.

There are just so many ways to be an asshole with a mobile phone. You can be the jerk that lets you know he’s hot shit by barking orders to the folks back at the office. Or the dildo that can’t remember to turn off the ringer in a movie or conference, no matter how many times he’s reminded.

I’m still a mobile newbie but my plan is to excuse myself when I get a call while with others, and step away to quietly take the call or arrange to call them back.

And then there are ring tones. No way around it, your ringtone says something about you. I know this from the disdainful looks I always got when my Tracfone busted out with one of the classic tones.

The new iPhone comes with some nice ringtones but none of them are really me. (Well, maybe the quacking duck) Fortunately, I stumbled across the Zen collection from iRing Pro.

These aren’t ring “tunes.”
These aren‘t some 11-year-olds’ ringtones. You’ll find no annoying songs, or silly sound effects. The Zen Collection consists of smart, attractive, livable alerts engineered to ensure universal appeal, and provide a high tolerance for routine use and repetition.

I heard you the first time.
iRingPro iPhone Ringtones are timed with moderately longer pauses between ring repeats. So there is no hurried fumbling, no urgency. You have time to see who’s calling, often before the second ring. You’re in control, not your phone.

You are what you ring.
A phone’s ring broadcasts many things about its user. iRingPro iPhone Ringtones ensure that what is perceived when your phone rings is technically advanced, considerate, and envyingly fashionable. Now, more than ever, a professional presence can make the difference.

Also from their website: “You own the best phone money can buy, we believe it should sound like it.” Hell, yeah.

If I ever break down and get an iPhone, I’ll want something like Maverick Secure Mobile. If your phone is lost or stolen, the application encrypts your data, sends you a text message with the location of the phone and, best of all, plays an annoyingly loud siren to torture the thief.

“The Maverick software is hidden on a phone, so a potential thief can’t tell whether or not your phone has it. You give the company a second phone number — your spouse’s or a friend’s, for example. As soon as a thief replaces your SIM card with his own, the phone encrypts all of your remaining data, like your phone book, photos or text messages, so the thief can’t see them. It also sends that data to your second phone so that you have it.

Then you can start playing tricks on the thief. By sending text message commands, you can see all the phone calls and text messages he sends or receives and any new contacts he enters in the phone book. With a feature called Spy Call, you can call your phone and eavesdrop on the thief’s calls — without him knowing. Then, when you get really exasperated, you can make the phone play a blaring siren. Just when he is about to toss your screaming phone in the trash, you can send him a text message with your name, location and, if you want, a reward for returning the phone.”

Naw, I don’t want the phone back. I want to fuck with the thief as long as possible.