Tag Archives: humor
5ives
I’ve had a 5ives tag since 2004. Merlin Mann stopped making these lists somewhere along the way but the archive is still there and his humor timeless. Like so many, he now haunts the crumbling halls of Twitter. So I’m killing the tag and sharing the three lists here.
Five things I’d like to see engraved on little rubber bracelets:
- Nap Strong
- My Other Bracelet is Fighting Colon Cancer
- America: Shut Thy Pie Hole
- Kiss Me, Im Trendy
- Please Watch Arrested Development
Five ass-related words
- metric assload (n.) – a lot
- asshat (n.) – willfully ignorant person
- assy (adj.) – unacceptably low-quality
- big-ass (adj.) – large
- asstacular (adj.) – really bad
Five more proposed pieces of legislation supported by George W. Bush
- Protection of Words Fewer than Three Syllables Act
- Bill to make the “High Five” the US’s official greeting
- National ‘Everybody Wears Jeans’ Day (March 14th)
- The “Pretty Girls Shouldn’t Act All Stuck Up” Amendment
- Presidential proclamation that “California Must Apologize to Jesus (and It Has to Sound Like They Really Mean It)”
Brilliant, snarky humor of Paul Rudnick
(Wikipedia) Paul Rudnick is an American writer. His plays have been produced both on and off Broadway and around the world. He is also known for having written the screenplays for several movies, including Sister Act, Addams Family Values, Jeffrey, and In & Out.
I’ve been reading his stuff all morning and have yet to find one that wasn’t laugh-out-load funny.
Ivanka says she won’t be joining her Dad’s campaign to focus on:
- Guarding her money in a cave
- Learning her kids’ names
- Teaching Jared to sound out big word
- Telling the mirror “Good job!”
- Shrieking at the new nanny, “No eye contact! Tiffany, we talked about this!”
Losers
What is an office?
Master of the Internet
It’s Time to Get Laid
I Don’t Want Kids
Turbo Encabulator
YouTube notes: “This is the first time Turbo Encabulator was recorded with picture. I shot this in the late 70’s at Regan Studios in Detroit on 16mm film. The narrator and writer is Bud Haggert. He was the top voice-over talent on technical films. He wrote the script because he rarely understood the technical copy he was asked to read and felt he shouldn’t be alone. We had just finished a production for GMC Trucks and Bud asked since this was the perfect setting could we film his Turbo Encabulator script. He was using an audio prompter referred to as “the ear”. He was actually the pioneer of the ear. He was to deliver a live speech without a prompter. After struggling in his hotel room trying to commit to memory he went to plan B. He recorded it to a large Wollensak reel to reel recorder and placed it in the bottom of the podium. With a wired earplug he used it for the speech and the “ear” was invented. Today every on-camera spokesperson uses a variation of Bud’s innovation. Dave Rondot (me) was the director and John Choate was the DP on this production. The first laugh at the end is mine. My hat’s off to Bud a true talent.”