“To this day, the taste of squirtable cheddar is forever paired in Mays’ memory with the hot, dusty stench of chicken manure and mayonnaise; and yet, he cannot help but consume the delicacy at every opportunity. And though that day 50 years ago may have seemed trivial at the time, its lasting influence on the state of the blogosphere is but more evidence of the power of Squirt Cheese in History.”

— David Brazeal

I stand by my earlier assertion that my friend David is too funny for his job. Offered as Exhibit A, this excerpt from his recent post exposing the role of Squirt Cheese in the founding of this great country:

Jefferson was not only a deep thinker and philosopher, but also an inventor of the first order. Having developed a more effective plow, and the color now known as Yellow No. 5, Jefferson turned his attention to the culinary arts. During late nights at Monticello, discussing politics in his hemp laboratory with George Washington, Jefferson experienced what modern readers would call “the munchies.” Washington, unable to chew effectively with his wooden teeth, implored his friend to invent a softened snack. Jefferson turned his considerable talent toward solving that problem, and soon invented a whipped cheese product that he stored in wooden bottles. A pump mechanism forced the cheese out the top of the bottle, allowing it to be applied to breads, crackers, and pemmican.

If you need further evidence of David’s genius, I offer this: Of the nearly 25 million blogs crawled by Technorati, only 217 include a reference to pemmican. I rest my case.