Tag Archives: Halley Suitt

Halley Suitt on writing and blogging

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“And everything I ever learned about writing didn’t matter anymore. Everything I ever thought about writing went out the window as the breeze blew through my hair and the words poured out of me. I didn’t have to take writing seriously. I didn’t have to take words seriously. I didn’t have to sound like anyone else. I didn’t have to sound like The New Yorker — which weirdly, I sometimes sound like a little by NOT TRYING TO SOUND LIKE IT. So it showed me that I had a lot of hang-ups about writing and it showed me how to get over them fast. It showed me how to sound like myself. It gave me back my voice, which surprised people and surprised no one as much as it surprised me. Blogging was a place I could go and be me, completely, totally, unapologetically me. And if people didn’t like it, screw ’em. And I could write the hell out of the screen and if it blew up and disappeared, it didn’t matter anyway, because I could always come back and try something else again later. So despite all my inclinations towards bottles of ink and pads of paper, I started to blog and blog and blog and blog and there was no stopping me.”

Marketing 101

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You see a handsome guy at a party.
You go up to him and say, “I’m fantastic in bed.”
That’s Direct Marketing.

You’re at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy.
One of your friends goes up to him and pointing at you says, “he’s fantastic in bed.”
That’s Advertising.

You see a handsome guy at a party.
You go up to him and get his telephone number.
The next day you call and say, “Hi, I’m fantastic in bed.”
That’s Telemarketing.

You’re at a party and see a handsome guy.
You get up and, Give eye contact.
You walk up to him and pour him a drink.
You say, “May I,” and reach up to kiss him, and then say, “By the way, I’m fantastic in bed.”
That’s Public Relations.

You’re at a party and see a handsome guy.
He walks up to you and says, “I hear you’re fantastic in bed.”
That’s Brand Recognition.

You’re at a party and see a handsome guy.
You talk him into going home with your friend.
That’s a Sales Rep.

Your friend can’t satisfy him so he calls you.
That’s Tech Support.

You’re on your way to a party when you realize that there could be handsome men in all these houses you’re passing.
So you climb onto the roof of one situated toward the center and shout at the top of your lungs, “I’m fantastic in bed!”
That’s Spam

Source unknown. Found this on Halley Suitt’s blog in 2003

Table Watching.

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“Crash, heartache heading your way boy, when I look into her icy porcelain face. Pretty english girl looks — china shop white skin and black straight hair, but more than English, something mixed in there to make her more exotic, maybe half Japanese, and very beautiful. But may I tell you, kind eager guy, run for your life. She’s fine and special and complicated in ways you will be so sorry to learn about and she’ll do you serious damage dear. She leans back in her seat, stretched as far away from him as she can. Nothing on the menu is right. Something he did last night, brings a slightly sour expression to her face. Run now.”

More poetry from Halley Suitt.

The Curse of Competence

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“People with more of an attitude of “whatever it takes” wind up taking on more and more of the jobs no one wants and thus have less and less time for the jobs they really want to do. I call this the “curse of competence.” … Oddly, in a time of real resource constraints, it is not good to become known as the person who can get things done no matter what. If you did it with “x”, the organization doesn’t say, “well, I’ll bet he could be spectacular with ‘2x’.” Instead it says, “He did so well with ‘x,’ we bet he can get it done with ‘3/4x’ too.”

— From blog called Middle Monkey, via Halley Suitt