Tag Archives: god

Reverend Phelps says god hates queers

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The Missouri Senate Judiciary Committee heard testimony last night on a bill that would ban demonstrations at funerals from an hour before to an hour after the service. The bill was introduced after Topeka, Kansas minister Fred Phelps and his followers demonstrated at the funeral of a St. Joseph soldier killed in Iraq. Phelps claims the death of American soldiers in Iraq is God’s vengeance on this nation because it tolerates homosexuals. Some emotional testimony (about 10 minutes into the audio) by the wife of a soldiar who was killed in Iraq. The good reverend and his posse were committed enough to demonstrate at some funerals but didn’t have the balls to show up at the hearing. [via Missourinet.com]

Intelligence, god, dogs and dentists

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“Dentists are generally pretty smart and they have the highest suicide rate of any profession. In stark contrast, dogs are goofy and they always look happy. You almost never hear about a dog trying to shoot himself. I know you want me to make a joke along the lines of “Dentists would be happy too if they could lick themselves.” But this is a serious discussion and I won’t have it. Plus that’s why dentists have office assistants.”

— Scott Adams

Andy Rooney on the Passion Of The Christ

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It doesn’t seem right, but religion has been in the news a lot recently.

Pat Robertson says that God has spoken to him and told him that George W. Bush will be re-elected because he deserves to be.

Here’s Pat Robertson’s exact quote: “I think George Bush is going to win in a walk. I’m hearing from the Lord that it’s going to be a blowout.”

The movie by Mel Gibson called The Passion of the Christ is the other religious issue in the news. Everyone’s talking about that. The question is whether the Jews killed Jesus Christ – who was Jewish, of course.

I hadn’t wanted to say anything about this, because it seemed like a personal matter, but Pat Robertson isn’t the only one who has heard from God.

I heard from God just the other night. God always seems to call at night. “Andrew,” God said to me. He always calls me “Andrew.” I like that.

“Andrew, you have the eyes and ears of a lot of people. I wish you’d tell your viewers that both Pat Robertson and Mel Gibson strike me as wackos. I believe that’s one of your current words. They’re crazy as bedbugs, another earthly expression. I created bedbugs. I’ll tell you, they’re no crazier than people, said God.

“Let me just say that I think I’d remember if I’d ever talked to Pat Robertson, and I’d remember if I said Bush would get re-elected in a blowout.”

As far as Mel Gibson goes, I haven’t seen his movie, ‘The Passion of the Christ,’ because it hasn’t opened up here yet. But I did catch Gibson being interviewed by Diane Sawyer. I did something right when I came up with her, didn’t I, added God. Anyway, as I was saying, Mel is a real nut case. What in the world was I thinking when I created him? Listen, we all make mistakes.”

That is what God said to me. That’s about all he did say to me because I’m sure God has a lot more important things to do than talk to someone on television.

My own question to Pat Robertson is this: The election looks as though it could be close, certainly not a blowout. If George W. Bush loses the election to a Democrat, will you become an atheist?

My question to Mel Gibson is: “How many million dollars does it look as if you’re going to make off the crucifixion of Christ?”

The only safe place.

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Brother Blane writes from Indonesia: “Just wanted to let you know we are all OK here. Seems like Indonesia just can’t stay out of the news. We don’t feel at all threatened here, but then I guess you never do until the terrorists strike. It is total madness. As I read about the sniper in the D.C. area I am reminded that the only safe place is to be where God wants you to be.”