Tag Archives: David Brazeal

Squirt Cheese and the Declaration of Independence

Posted on by
Reply

I stand by my earlier assertion that my friend David is too funny for his job. Offered as Exhibit A, this excerpt from his recent post exposing the role of Squirt Cheese in the founding of this great country:

Jefferson was not only a deep thinker and philosopher, but also an inventor of the first order. Having developed a more effective plow, and the color now known as Yellow No. 5, Jefferson turned his attention to the culinary arts. During late nights at Monticello, discussing politics in his hemp laboratory with George Washington, Jefferson experienced what modern readers would call “the munchies.” Washington, unable to chew effectively with his wooden teeth, implored his friend to invent a softened snack. Jefferson turned his considerable talent toward solving that problem, and soon invented a whipped cheese product that he stored in wooden bottles. A pump mechanism forced the cheese out the top of the bottle, allowing it to be applied to breads, crackers, and pemmican.

If you need further evidence of David’s genius, I offer this: Of the nearly 25 million blogs crawled by Technorati, only 217 include a reference to pemmican. I rest my case.

Ladies and gentlemen…SquirtCheez!

Posted on by
Reply

In June of 2003, I posted a short list of “Blogs I Would Read If They Existed.” Leaving David Brazeal off that list was an oversight but David is easy to oversee. Not unlike Topsy. Tonight I am honored to be among the first to link to David’s new blog, SquirtCheez.

SquirtCheez has a long and illustrious history as a metaphor for the human experience. Homer called it the “nectar of fat and happy Olympian consumerism.” American colonial preacher Jonathan Edwards, in his most famous sermon, noted that SquirtCheez is the only source of sustenance that will explode upon being thrown into the flames of hell.

It’s totally unfair of me to put this kind of pressure on David and I will look like a total dumb-ass if he screws the pooch on this. But gosh darn it, I’m willing to risk it. Because David is part of that tiny, select group I refer to as: TFFTJ (Too Funny for Their Jobs). Please welcome him to the ‘sphere.

Are we more than our stories?

Posted on by
Reply

Could it be that our purpose is to tell a story, and that the better lived a life is, the better the story that survives after you’re gone?

An intriguing question posed by Dave Winer (a couple of years ago). If I read the post correctly, he’s wondering if there is really more to us than the stories we tell. For those of us that attempt to share our hopes and fears, successes and failures (in journals like this one)…is there really more to us than our blogs? Reminds me of a great T-Shirt David (Brazeal) found on someone’s blog: Enough about me. Let’s talk about my blog.

Journalism, Big Media, Objectivity, etc.

Posted on by
Reply

There was an interesting email exchange between between a couple of our reporters this week. David Brazeal’s comments seemed…sponge-worthy.

I think more likely we’re seeing is a gradual destruction of the great farce of 20th Century elite journalism–that we can do our jobs objectively. Dan Rather thinks he’s objective and Fox News is not. Fox News thinks it’s objective, and Dan Rather is not. The fact is, neither of them is objective. We might very well try to be objective, but it’s impossible for anyone with an opinion.

The problem for big-time journalism outlets is that people have figured this out. Most people don’t fault Dan Rather for being a liberal; they fault him for acting like he’s not. And the more these big institutions cling to this faade of true objectivity, the more obvious it will become to more people. As consumers get more sophisticated, they’re going to demand more source material, more first-person accounts, more access to opposing viewpoints. And they’re going to want it without the filter we’re used to providing. The question is whether we figure out a way to give it to them, or we go down with the ship.

Attention Baby Boomers

Posted on by
Reply

David Brazeal writes:

This is to inform you that the Vietnam War ended 30 years ago. Please refrain from referring to this event in political discourse, except as it shapes our continued effort to frustrate the goals of world domination by our Cold War opponent, the Soviet Union.

It has been called to our attention that this war shaped your worldview when you were young, impressionable and intoxicated by hope and marijuana. While we understand your obsession, we can no longer tolerate it. Thus, we shall treat any continued prattling in the same way you treated the prattling of your grandparents, who spoke of The Great War ad nauseum between longing remembrances of FDR–with rolled eyes and involuntary commitment to a group home. Thank you for your consideration.

David was born in 1969 so he was a teenager in the mid-eighties. I just spoke with him on the phone and asked what he considered the defining event of his generation. The best he could come up with was Cyndi Lauper‘s “Girls Just Want to Have Fun.”