Email from Bill to Mary and 5 others on their project team:

“The meeting has been moved back to 10 a.m. on Friday”

Mary replies, “I’ll bring donuts,” and –of course- hits the REPLY ALL button.

Team member Mike cleverly chimes in (with REPLY ALL): “Make my chocolate!”

To which team member Betty responds, “I’m on a diet.” Again, REPLY ALL.

Team member smays (screaming at the top of his lungs!) REPLY ALL:

“I don’t have time to be part of your witty banter. My in-box if filled to overflowing. Chat amongst yourselves if you have the time (and it appears you do), but don’t include me with your clueless REPLY ALL to every dumb-ass email that comes your way. I’m sorry, I just don’t care. And –believe it or not– the only people that do, are the other morons keeping this inane ping-pong match going.”

And while I’m on the subject, you don’t need to thank me every time I send you an email. I know you are grateful. I won’t think less of you if I don’t get a “Thanks!” reply to… every… email… I send. In fact, my opinion of you will jump up a few notches.

Let’s try this. If you see “NTN” (No Thanks Necessary) or “NRN” (No Reply Necessary) in the subject line of the email I send to you… you don’t have to thank me or reply. You just saved us both a few precious seconds.

I would open the comments on this post but I know many of you would not be able to resist saying, “Thanks!”

My favorite Hy-Vee Supermarket reopened today after a year-long renovation and expansion. I stopped by to get some lunch from the deli (where I get 90% of my hot meals) and took a photo. I would have taken more but one of the corporate neckties came running over to tell me I couldn’t take photos. You can see half of him in this picture.

“It’s okay,” I told him, “I’m a regular. My wife’s out of town on business and couldn’t be here so I’m gonna send her a photo.”

“There will be ‘approved photos’ in the local newspaper. I have no way of knowing what you’re going to do with any pictures.”

I’m sure that…let’s call him “Phil”…Phil has every legal right to tell me I can’t take a photo in his new store. Underlying his panic at the sight of my little Casio, however, is his lack of trust in a customer. He assumed I’d do something nefarious, like race down to Gerbe’s (a competing store)…

smays: (Pant, gasp) “I’ got ’em! I got ’em! Photos of the new deli at Hy-Vee!”
Gerbe’s Store Manger: “Quick, let’s see ’em. We’ve got to plan our strategy!”

As I was checking out, one of the local Hy-Vee guys came over to ask what was going on and I explained.

“What?! (exasperated sound) He’ll be gone tomorrow. You can come back and take as many photos as you like.”

Trust.

So, “Phil,” this post is for you. I’m thrilled to have a bigger, newer, better Hy-Vee and plan to spend even more time and money in your great store. Give my best to the guys in marketing and public relations.

If you email the Missouri State High School Activities Association, you are likely to get an automated response that includes the following:

“The MSHSAA staff will respond first to more traditional means of communication such as telephone calls, written correspondence and faxes. The MSHSAA office can be reached at (573) 875-4880 during regular office hours. As time permits, staff will reply to email messages that include the sender’s complete name, address and phone number.”

I don’t even know what to say about this. It speaks volumes about how the organization views its relationship with the public it serves (?). I am inspired to create a new category here at smays.com: Clueless and Proud. Say it loud!