“awareness by the mind of itself and the world”

I don’t recall precisely when or how I became interested in consciousness. I’ve read a few (26) books on the topic and gave it some space here (104 posts). The reading has been a mix of scientific and spiritual (for lack of a better term). The concept showed up in a lot of my science fiction reading as well. And we’ll be hearing the term –however one defines it–  more often in the next few years.

I like the idea that nobody really knows what the fuck it is or where it comes from. Thankfully, that won’t change.

I forgot to meditate today

Thus ending a streak of 2,288 consecutive days on the cushion. More than 6 years without a miss. My best guess of when I started meditating would be May of 2008 so I’ve been at it for about 16 years and started tracking my practice (in a spreadsheet) in 2014. Back in 2015 I missed a day because I was sick with pneumonia and the following year I missed because I was attending my 50th high school class reunion.

How did I forget to meditate today? Not sure. Just got busy. Woke up in the middle of the night with the realization that my string was broken. How do I feel about this lapse? Sad wouldn’t be the right word. Maybe a little disappointed? I’m going with nostalgic. And a little relief that whatever pressure came with such a streak is gone. Perhaps I was sitting every day so I could make that spreadsheet entry rather than simply practicing awareness.

Like the man said, the only day that counts is today.

PS: Going forward I will not be tracking consecutive days of meditation practice. Rather, the total number of days practiced since I began tracking in 2014. [3,683]

PPS: This seems like a good time to retire the spreadsheet as well. I’m now logging my daily sessions in Calendar on my MacBook.

What if everything is conscious?

That’s the headline of a pretty long article by Sigal Samuel at Vox. I’ve done some reading about consciousness and posted here with some frequency. The idea that everything is conscious has been around a long time. It’s called panpsychism.

Panpsychism, the view that consciousness or mind is a fundamental and ubiquitous feature of reality, has a long and rich history in philosophy. From the musings of the ancient Greeks to contemporary debates in philosophy of mind, panpsychism has captured the imagination of a diverse range of thinkers. Luminaries such as Plato, Spinoza, Leibniz, William James, and Alfred North Whitehead have all explored panpsychist ideas, and in recent years the theory has seen a resurgence of interest among philosophers like David Chalmers, Galen Strawson, and Philip Goff. (Perplexity)

Consciousness shows up in most of my reading on quantum theory. (My incomplete reading list) I, for one, hope “the hard problem of consciousness” is never solved.

The Death Business

“Religions are in the death business: preparing people for death, pretending to send them off after they’ve died, making believe they know what happens afterward, and explaining to the dead person’s relatives where they think their loved one might be now. Without death most religions don’t have a whole lot to live for.”

— Sit Down and Shut Up (Brad Warner)

More from Brad Warner here, here and here.

One good habit

habit (noun) – a settled or regular tendency or practice, especially one that is hard to give up

I don’t have a lot of bad habits these days. Don’t smoke or do drugs, drink (beer) in moderation… but when the idea for this post occurred to me, I was thinking of good habits. Things I do with some consistency without having to give them a lot of thought. Consistency being the operative word. If you don’t count brushing my teeth, I really only have one good habit: meditation.

There are almost as many forms of mediation as there are meditators. For me it’s the time I spend each day practicing paying attention. (I’ll skip the long riff on how continuously lost we are in thought we all are.)

2024 will be the 10th consecutive year of tracking my daily meditation. I think I was practicing for five years or so before I began logging my time on the cushion on November 30, 2014. I ran up a string of 371 days before missing a day (pneumonia). I managed 271 consecutive days before missing again (out of town attending the 50th anniversary of my high school graduation.) I have not missed a day since. 2,101 consecutive days (5.7 years). Total days since I started logging my sessions, 3,317 days.

I usually sit for 30 minutes. If it’s almost bedtime I might do a 15 minute session and every once in while I set for 45 minutes or an hour. In terms of perceived time, the longer sessions do not seem much longer. But 30 minutes is the sweet spot for me. My one good habit.

Your decisions don’t matter

After 20 years of reading about free will, I have to agree with those who insist it doesn’t exist. It’s an illusion, but probably necessary. Robert Sapolsky has written a book titled “Determined: A Science of Life Without Free Will” this excerpt describes an experience I’m having with increasing frequency.

“You may have had the uncanny experience of talking about an upcoming camping trip with a friend, only to find yourself served with ads for tents on social media later. Your phone didn’t record your conversation, even if that’s what it feels like. It’s just that the collective record of your likes, clicks, searches and shares paints such a detailed picture of your preferences and decision-making patterns that algorithms can predict — often with unsettling accuracy — what you are going to do.”

Sapolsky references a short story by Ted Chiang (What’s Expected of Us) in which the narrator describes a new technology that convinces users their choices are predetermined, a discovery that saps them of their will to live.

“It’s essential that you behave as if your decisions matter,” the narrator warns, “even though you know that they don’t.”

From a review in the Los Angeles Times. (Apple News) Below are some of my favorite bits.


“Most Americans have negative perceptions of atheists, and antiatheist prejudice is more prevalent than antipathy toward Muslims (which comes in second place), African Americans, LGBQT individuals, Jews, or Mormons.”

“We are nothing more or less than the cumulative biological and environmental luck, over which we had no control, that has brought us to this moment.”

“While change happens, we do not freely choose to change; instead, we are changed by the world around us.”

“Much has been made of the hospitality, conservatism (as in strictly conserving cultural norms), and violence of the traditional culture of honor of the American South. The pattern of violence tells a ton: murders in the South, which typically has the highest rates in the country, are not about stickups gone wrong in a city; they’re about murdering someone who has seriously tarnished your honor (by conspicuously bad-mouthing you, failing to repay a debt, coming on to your significant other…), particularly if living in a rural area.”

“You can’t successfully believe something different from what you believe.”

“Why did that moment just occur? “Because of what came before it.” They why did that moment just occur? “Because of what came before that,” forever, isn’t absurd and is, instead, how the universe works. […] In order to prove there’s free will, you have to show that some behavior just happened out of thin air in the sense of considering all these biological precursors. […] All that came before, with its varying flavors of uncontrollable luck, is what came to constitute you. This is how you became you.”

“By age three, your average high-socioeconomic status kid has heard about thirty million more words at home than a poor kid.”

“‘Free will’ is what we call the biology that we don’t understand on a predictive level yet, and when we do understand it, it stops being free will. […] We do something, carry out a behavior, and we feel like we’ve chosen, that there is a Me inside separate from all those neurons.”

“We are nothing more or less than the sum of that which we could not control — our biology, our environment, their interactions. […]Try as we might, we can’t will ourselves to have more willpower.”

“We don’t change our minds. Our minds, which are the end products of all the biological moments that came before, are *changed* by circumstances around us.”

“What the science in this book ultimately teaches is that there is no meaning. There’s no answer to “Why?” beyond “This happened because of what came just before, which happened because of what came just before that.” There is nothing but an empty, indifferent universe in which, occasionally, atoms come together temporarily to form things we each call Me.”

“Depression is the pathological loss of the capacity to rationalize away reality.”

Bertrand Russell: Why I Am Not a Christian (1927)

This post is more about YouTube than Bertrand Russell, or Christianity for that matter. The lecture above was first delivered on March 6, 1927 to the National Secular Society, South London Branch, at Battersea Town Hall.  

I’ve heard of Bertrand Russell most of my adult life but don’t think I knew more than he was a philosopher and mathematician. The Wikipedia entry above probably has as much information as I would have gotten in an undergraduate course. And the lecture above (36 minutes) was fascinating.

I’ve been posting videos to YouTube almost since the beginning (February 2005. I uploaded my first video in February of 2006). And, like most people, I’ve spent a fair amount of time watching videos there. More and more, it’s the first place I look for how to do something. And learn something. Yes, there’s no shortage of junk but the more YouTube (and Google) learn about my interests, the more interesting and useful videos fill my stream.

While network and cable news gives us endless talking heads and pundits in 3 to 5 minutes “packages,” YouTube has few constraints. For better or worse, it has become my primary source for news.