Category Archives: Miscellany

“Enlarged prostitute”

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Those watching the closed captions on the 6:30 p.m. Tuesday feed of Peter Jennings’s “World News Tonight” were informed that Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan was “in the hospital for an enlarged prostitute.” Apparently the typist hit the wrong key, or keys. Greenspan was home recovering Wednesday from prostate surgery, said his wife, NBC correspondent Andrea Mitchell. As for that “enlarged prostitute,” Mitchell told us: “He should be so lucky.” (Lloyd Grove – Washington Post) By way of Shop Talk.

Jolly good.

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One of the reporters that works for our network in Des Moines (Matt Kelley) was interviewed by the BBC today. A British man was arrested in Fort Madison (Iowa) after flying there from England to rendezvous with a 14-year-old Iowa girl. The two met on the Internet three months ago. The man tried to pay his hotel tab with a check from a bank in England… a dispute arose… the cops were called and he mentioned the name of the girl who was staying with him. The girl had been reported missing by her parents as a runaway the day before. The BBC called the Radio Iowa newsroom and asked Matt Kelley to fill them in on the story. The busted Brit, by the way, is a radio deejay who –if convicted– could get 12 years in prison. I’ll see if Matt recorded the interview from his end. Doubt it.

King of Torts, Pattern Recognition, Altered Carbon

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I would have sworn I mentioned these but can’t find any reference. John Grisham’s King of Torts was… predictable. And not very interesting. But I couldn’t put it down. Hmmm. I enjoyed William Gibson’s Pattern Recognition more than any of his recent books. And Richard K. Morgan’s Altered Carbon was pretty damned good, despite similarity to early Gibson novels.

Sanctuary

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“To hear a new act before anyone else was a decadent treat, especially if a free CD was involved. For all the bad days dealing with sales and management and long hours in the rain with electrical equipment, there was the glorious sanctuary of the studio.”

— Tracey Kelley

Tom Jones Syndrome

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Barb warns you must be of a certain age to appreciate this. And we are. Halley has more.

“Doc, I can’t stop singing ‘The Green, Green Grass of Home.'”
“That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome.”
“Is it common?”
“It’s not unusual.”

Stop stacking coins on the bills

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If my change consist of bills and coins, please hand them to me separately. Don’t stack the coins on the flattened bills and pass them over the counter to me. You know they’re going to fall off and I’ll have to grub around on the floor or just leave them… Oh. Is that what’s going on here? You’re not simply stupid or rude. Well, hell… I feel better. And if my stupid reference offends you, show me you’re not by counting back my change just one time. If you don’t know what that means, you don’t know how to do it.

You might be from Kennett if…

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A friend of mine, who happens to live in Kennett, Missouri, received a call from a woman this week but couldn’t hear her because of the chainsaw in the background. She said “Excuse me, I’ll go outside.” When he asked about the chainsaw in the house she explained “I needed something fixed and his skillsaw was broke.” Makes a guy homesick.

Table Watching.

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“Crash, heartache heading your way boy, when I look into her icy porcelain face. Pretty english girl looks — china shop white skin and black straight hair, but more than English, something mixed in there to make her more exotic, maybe half Japanese, and very beautiful. But may I tell you, kind eager guy, run for your life. She’s fine and special and complicated in ways you will be so sorry to learn about and she’ll do you serious damage dear. She leans back in her seat, stretched as far away from him as she can. Nothing on the menu is right. Something he did last night, brings a slightly sour expression to her face. Run now.”

More poetry from Halley Suitt.