Category Archives: Miscellany

You never hear the bullet that gets you

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Chronic worriers are often reassured with, “90% of the things you worry about never happen.”

Let’s deal with the math first. Chronic worriers can come up with 100 things to worry about without breaking a sweat. So you’re telling us ten of them will probably come to pass. No good. Our first thought will be, “They’ll be the worst ten things!”

No, even if you improve our odds to 99%, you’ve simply encouraged us to focus all of our negative thoughts on that one item. Sort of a Hubble Telescope of Anxiety.

If you want to reassure us, remind us that conventional wisdom says we never hear the bullet that finally gets us.

We know –looking back– that most of the things we worried about did NOT happen. The really bad shit that happens in life is almost always totally unexpected. Out of the blue (or black, if you prefer). Didn’t see it coming at all.

See where I’m headed?

The very fact that you are worried about something almost guarantees that it won’t happen. It’s like a Worry Force Field.

  • Worried about your mid-term grades? (Your girl friend’s pregnant)
  • Anxious about the lab tests? (A 14 point Buck will jump in front of your Tercel)
  • Dreading a terrorist attack? (You’ll be safe inside one of Bush’s internment camps)

The more things you’re worried about…the less you have to worry about. Got it?

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Kennett Boy

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Jeff McVeyBack in May, I posted on Jeff McVey and his wife (Deborah) who I live in a martial arts academy in a small village in the mountains outside of Yantai, China… studying Kung Fu from the Shaolin Monks who teach there. (I shit you not)

“I had my first kickboxing match this week. I think I did pretty well. They weren’t actually keeping points, but I controlled the fight and got in some good hits. It’s a little nerve racking to just put on a pair of gloves and go at someone. I know we practice this stuff daily, but it’s a different story when someone is trying to knock you out. However, I really liked it. It’s the best practice you can do for that sort of thing. I think I’ll be a bit more confident the next time we do this.”

Completely, totally nude

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On the way to Bridgett and Andy’s wedding, we drove past a strip joint in downtown Kansas City. The sign on the front of the building promised “Totally Nude” but didn’t say what or who. This prompted Barb and me to speculate on what constitutes “partially nude.” Pasties and G-string? Shoes only? Can I leave my hat on? I hope to someday return to downtown KC to take this shot at night. I think it will make a better masthead.

The Secret Letter from Iraq

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Written last month, this straightforward account of life in Iraq by a Marine officer was initially sent just to a small group of family and friends. His honest but wry narration and unusually frank dissection of the mission contrasts sharply with the story presented by both sides of the Iraq war debate, the Pentagon spin masters and fierce critics.

Biggest Outrage — Practically anything said by talking heads on TV about the war in Iraq, not that I get to watch much TV. Their thoughts are consistently both grossly simplistic and politically slanted. Biggest Offender: Bill O’Reilly.

Best Chuck Norris Moment — 13 May. Bad Guys arrived at the government center in a small town to kidnap the mayor, since they have a problem with any form of government that does not include regular beheadings and women wearing burqahs. There were seven of them. As they brought the mayor out to put him in a pick-up truck to take him off to be beheaded (on video, as usual), one of the Bad Guys put down his machinegun so that he could tie the mayor’s hands. The mayor took the opportunity to pick up the machine gun and drill five of the Bad Guys. The other two ran away. One of the dead Bad Guys was on our top twenty wanted list. Like they say, you can’t fight City Hall.

Take a couple of minutes to read the entire letter.

How to ruin a podcast

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Mark Ramsey points to a classic example of MSM cluelessness (CBS in this instance). His post makes me uncomfortable because our networks produce a lot of programs (newscasts and sports reports) that are comprised of 3 minutes of programming and one minute of commercial.

What if we were only podcasting that program. Would listeners swallow that? I’m thinking not.

Back in the dark old days, when one of our networks was oversold, we’d just jam in more spots and ask stations to air programs that had more commercial content than programming. Shudder.

Mark sums it up nicely:

“In our zeal to monetize our online content, remember that podcasts are downloaded and played voluntarily. It’s because we like you and want more of you. Yes, we’ll tolerate advertising in podcasts – but not 30 out of 90 seconds!”

It’s a guy thing

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I came across this really amazing photo of urinals in a men’s room and remembered posting on this topic about a year ago. When I went searching for the earlier post I discovered my link now takes me to a page full of unusual urinals.

Perhaps one’s fascination with urnials increases with age and we spend more and more time gazing at bland men’s room walls.

Weinerschnitzel adjustment

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“Now sometimes a pair of briefs – for reasons I cannot understand – have the most annoying characteristic you could ever imagine: In the course of normal walking and sitting, the wearer’s weinershnitzel ends up poking halfway through the flap hole like a turtle coming out of its shell. And before long, the most sensitive part of your body is wedged between your briefs and the harsh denim material of your pants. As I walked toward the departure gate, I was choking Private Johnson and giving him a noogie at the same time.”

— Scott Adams