Category Archives: Miscellany

Cuddling new MacBook Pro

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I had every intention of staying offline this weekend. I even left the MacBook back in t Jeff City. But it’s 7:30 a.m. here in Tulsa, Blane and the kids are still asleep, Tonya is making breakfast and Ryan’s laptop is just sitting here. Connected to the Net. Practically begging me to take a spin.

This is Ryan’s first trip home (as in temporary U.S. home) from college (he’s a freshman at Union University in Jackson,TN) and I get to be part of it. Blane and I will take him back to school today, so lots of quality car time.

Yesterday we hit the mall and –lo and behold– found ourselves walking past the Apple store. So we popped in get Tonya an accessory for her new iPod and I got to fondle the new MacBook Pro. I ordered mine online, sight unseen and it’s somewhere between here and China.

I won’t bore you with my impressions. But if you find yourself near an Apple store, just pick up one of the new MacBooks. Hold it. Open and close the lid. Run your hands over it. That’s all I’m saying.

Only pussies complain about the word pussy

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Some of you regulars might be aware that I am a big fan of a local (Jefferson City) coffee shop called the Coffee Zone. I’m there every morning and I love the owner/proprietor, Taisir Yanis. There’s not a sweeter guy on the planet.

Last spring I set up a blog for the Coffee Zone and maintain it on my own time and money. Taisir tries to give me a free cup of coffee from time to time but it’s a labor of love.

I recently posted something silly about the Wawa coffee website. They “analyze” your personality based on how you like your coffee. I said something like, “…somebody give these pussies a cup of Rocket Fuel.”

Today I got a text message from Taisir that said: “Pussies.” T speaks English as well as I do but his written English can be a little mysterious at times. So I texted back: “What about ’em?”

To which he replied: “Blog”

Seems he had been getting complaints from customers about my (single) use of the word “pussies” on the Coffee Zone website. I apologized and immediately removed the offending word. T wasn’t offended but he didn’t want to lose a customer so that I might have a full arsenal of comedic words and expressions. And I don’t blame him. Then I started wondering how you lodge such a complaint.

Customer: “I’d like a double-espresso and a latte, please. Light on the foam.”
Taisir: “Here you go, four dollars.”
Customer: “By the way, I was very offended by something I saw on the Coffee Zone blog.”
Taisir: “I’m sorry to hear that. What offended you?”
Customer: (sotto voice) “Pussies.”
Taisir: “Sorry, I didn’t hear you.”
Customer: (louder) “Pussies!”
Taisir: “Where did you find “pussies” on my website?”
Customer: “Not so loud!”

You get the idea. As this scene played out in my head I was reminded of the scene in Silver Streak where Gene Wilder and Richard Pryor art trying to decide what kind of car to steal to catch up with the train that… never mind. That’s not important. Wilder wants to steal a Chevy and Pryor wants to steal a red jag. Roll the tape, please.

WILDER: “What are you doing? I thought we were gonna take the Chevy out back!
GROVER: (indicates a red Jag) Chevy!? That’s a jerk-off, man! This here’s pure pussy!

At some point later in the movie (I don’t remember the scen), Wilder is screaming at Pryor, “Pussy?! Pussy?!”

There really isn’t much connection between the scene in the movie and the post on the blog, but in the unlikely event the complaining customer also reads smays.com… I want them to get plenty of PUSSY! PUSSY! PUSSY!

The Denim Factory

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In June I wrote about moving up a waist size in my Levis and lovingly packing away  jeans I’ve had for 20 years. I didn’t think of them as “distressed,” rather just getting good and broke in. I would never buy jeans that were made and sold to look like you’d been wearing them for a long time. That’s just… just… just such a neocon thing to do.

But that should not diminish our appreciation for the men (and women?) who work so hard to make your jeans look like they once belonged to a cowboy.

Boing Boing points us to this photo essay (The Denim Factory) by David Friedman featuring a denim factory in Kentucky that specializes in distressing high-end jeans for a few top designers.

“I used to scoff at paying a premium for jeans that come with holes in them already. Then I saw just how much work goes into distressing jeans, and I realized that these people are artists. You can’t just have any loose threads, you have to have the right loose threads. They can’t just be faded. They have to be the right color. A lot of work goes into making these jeans look just right.”

We’re running low on cow shit! Somebody bring in another tub!

On hold waiting to cancel XM Radio

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I’m writing this while on hold for an XM Radio “customer service” representative. My first call was answered by a gentleman who could not figure out how to pull up my account. I gave him everything but my gene sequence. We finally gave up and I called back later.

This time I spoke with a lady who is progressing very nicely with her English lessons. I explained that I wanted to cancel my service. Nothing wrong with it, I’m just not using it enough to justify the $13/month. I told her to check the iPod box on her screen.

She insisted she couldn’t deactivate my account. I would need to speak with XM’s “Deactivation Department” (can’t be good when you have a special department). That was 15 minutes ago and I’m still listening to some depressing jazz channel.

For the record, I tried to cancel on the XM website. Never found a page or link for that little chore. Which makes me conclude you can tell a lot more about a company or service by how easy they make it cancel, than by ease of sign-up.

Wouldn’t it make more sense to quickly route calls like mine to someone with enough savvy (and English) to save the subscription? Maybe offer a cheaper or better plan? Or just fix a problem if there is one?

UPDATE: After more than two hours (over three calls) of Hold Hell, I went to Plan B. Canceled the MasterCard XM hits every three months. I got the card for just this eventuality. A little hassle updating the few services I had on that card but well worth it. PS: Seems like I’m not the only one getting this little dance.

If anyone at XM Radio is reading this… I probably owe you for a few days or weeks service. Since the card is cancelled your best bet is to call my Customer Service number (1-800-FUCKYOU). We’re experiencing unusually long hold times because we don’t give a shit how long you have to hold. But the wait will be pleasant because I’ve plugged in my iPod and set it to shuffle.

UPDATE: So I post my little rant on my lunch hour and it’s now 3 p.m. Just did a Google Blog Search for “xm radio” and there it is. #3 of 135,000+ results.

Blogsearch

UPDATE: 2/16/09 – Following a number of comments on this post, I went back to the XM website to look for the number some say they found there. And found it with one click under YOUR ACCOUNT. I can’t swear I didn’t miss that during the half hour I searched the site. But I’d wager $100 if there were a way to do so.

Moosehunting with Aden Nak

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Aden Nak doesn’t understand why it’s taboo to say someone is too dumb to be president. He somehow managed to get his hands on the flow chart used to prep Governor Palin for last night’s debate.

“The truth is that Palin didn’t answer any questions she didn’t want to tonight, and she said she’d do exactly that at the start of the debate. She had a hand full of index cards and a brain full of buzz words, and it was her job to say them all in front of the camera. Actually, it was her job to say them while looking at Joe Biden for five seconds, then looking at the camera for five seconds, and then looking back at Biden to start over again. It was like she was on a timer. One of the many things she’d probably been coached on after the whole flap about McCain not looking Obama in the eyes.”

Spud Panzer

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I like bumper cars and paint-ball looks like fun. Doesn’t Paint-Ball Bumper War sound like a whole greater than the sum of its parts?

Instead of hiding behind a row of old tractor tires, put those paint-ball warriors on roller skates and get ’em out on the figure-8 track. No (intentional) body contact but if you go down, you go sit out.

Golf_cartspotatogunAnd for the serious gamer, Spud Panzer. Golf carts mounted with potato guns. Two teams of three carts start on opposite end of golf cart (back nine?). A non-combatant fires a spud gun into the air and both teams race toward each other. If driver or gunner gets knocked out of the cart, they’re out. Every golfer that gets injured or suffers a heart attack costs you 10 points. Game lasts until cops arrive.

Smart Car

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Let’s start with all the reasons I probably won’t buy this car:

  1. By the time I can get one I will have changed my mind
  2. It won’t make it up the hill to our house
  3. Barb won’t let me (for fear I’ll be squashed by big truck or SUV) . Crash test video
  4. Can’t get it serviced locally

There are probably more but those are all that come to mind.

Twofour_blackI figure if you’re going to go small and fuel-efficient, go really small. As for #3 above, the Smart features something called the protective “tridion safety cell”, to increase your chances of surviving a crash with a real car. It also has electronic stability program (esp®), anti-lock braking system (abs), and four airbags. The base Pure model comes standard with convenience features such as a 5-speed automated manual transmission with manual or automatic mode, central remote locking system, and a bunch of other stuff, including: “Lockable glove compartment” and “tire repair kit.” Cool. And a jack for the old iPod.

This little bugger starts at under $12,000 and –according to How Stuff Works— get 46 mpg in city driving and 68 mpg on the highway. And they have some clever TV ads. And I just think it looks cool. I think I might drive over to St. Louis tomorrow and take a test drive.

UPDATE: Just talked to Martha at the St. Louis dealer. Year-and-a-half wait. Damn.