From my friend (and recovering Bush apologist) David Brazeal:

10. IOC delegates disappointed to discover Oprah hadn’t hidden portable DVD players under their seats.

9. Voters perturbed by President Obama’s effort to lead them in a chant of “USA! USA!”

8. US credibility damaged when Michelle Obama expressed her hope to meet “international soccer star David Beckett.”

7. Many of Chicago’s most supportive IOC delegates still partying in Pittsburgh after last week’s G-20 protests.

6. Chicago officials bribed delegates with US dollars instead of euros.

5. Delegates unswayed by promises that Chicago Olympics will “save or create 8-million jobs.”

4. Withdrawal of US missile defense from Eastern Europe swayed large bloc of Polish and Czech soccer moms to support Rio de Janeiro.

3. Voters creeped out by Joe Biden’s pro-Chicago video presentation, praising “northern girls with the way they kiss.”

2. Delegates turned off when American Kanye West interrupted Tokyo’s presentation to say Beyonce really deserves to win.

1. It’s all George W. Bush’s fault.

The boys remains one of the funniest people I kn0w. [Files under: Too Funny for His Job]