I had a lot of time to think on that long train ride to Washington DC and I came to an important realization:

I don’t like to travel.

This is right up (down?) there with: “I don’t like kids.” There is some stigma attached.

I’ve battled (internally) this for years, forcing myself to take trips to “get over” my aversion. Like some gay teenager sleeping with the head cheerleader, trying to “cure” himself.

My train trip was an example of this. “You don’t like flying but maybe you’ll like travelling by train.” I didn’t.

Barb LOVES to travel but is mostly okay with the fact that I do not and (for years) has travelled with her sister and friends.

I know what you’re thinking.

The world is filled with wonderful and beautiful sites and experiences that you will never know if you don’t get out of that coffee shop. A full moon over the Great Pyramid; the temples of ancient Greece; the Grand Canyon (“You’ve never been to the Grand Canyon?!”)

But it’s time for me to ‘come out’ and embrace my inertia. Which doesn’t mean I’ll never take another trip. (Barb and I will visit my brother and his family in Malaysia in a few weeks.) But now I have a forumula to guide me.

TRAVEL PAIN QUOTIENT (TPQ)

Miles/Mode x Payoff = TPQ

MILES – To your destination (one way)
MODE – Of transportation (pick closest)
PAYOFF – The (subjective) value of experience once at your destination (1-10) Higher the number, the better the experience.

Mode Scale (subject to change)

10- Private Jet
9- Commercial Flight
8- Cruise Ship
7- Car
6- Motorcycle
5- Train
4- Bus
3- Bicycle
2- Pack Mule
1- Walking

Examples:

Private jet from NY to Paris (3,636) to party with Jessica Alba

3630
——- = 40
10 x 9

Drive from Milwaukee to Indianapolis for cousin’s wedding (her third)

280
——– = 20
7 x 2

I’m mathmatically challenged so feel free to modify this formula as necessary. Clearly the first trip above is more than twice as much fun as the second one. I’ll need some help with this.