After an iorn-clad promise of anonymity, we were given permission to share this memo one of our readers recently received:

“A reminder that Pop Corn is banned from the micro wave ovens in this building. The reason is simple – it catches fire, sets of the smoke alarm, and we evacuate the building into the street – out into the snow for 20 minutes while the fire service responds to the automated alert. THAT IS WHY THERE IS NO POP CORN IN THE VENDING MACHINES. And I can count at least 4 pop corn evacuations over three years.

The fire alarm came within a hairs breath of going off early this afternoon during one such incident. All the micro waves are now brightly marked with yellow tape with NO POPCORN. Despite that, a few minutes ago, someone just made some pop corn in a so marked micro wave. So please – no more pop corn. And you will be held to account if you evacuate this building and that will not be a pleasant experience. If you see someone trying to pop some – don’t call me – tell them to stop immediately and then call me.

If this plea doesn’t work I will simply remove all the micro waves except those in the caf area and turn a camera on those ones so they can be monitored. One way or the other the pop corn will be stopped.”

I hate nit pick on a topic of this gravity but how close is “a hairs breath?”